Conspiracy speculations bristle in the contemporary world, from the JFK assassination to the Moon landing. Most of the time, these thoughts are, to set it politely, Reptite-fucking crazy. But every once in a while, one comes along that seems dangerously plausible. Like …
# 5. Donald Trump Is A Shill For The Hillary Clinton Presidential Campaign
Imagine the headlines afterward this year: “Republican Candidate Donald Trump Wins General Election, Becomes President of the United States.” If you’d requested anyone even a year ago “whats wrong” with that convict, they wouldn’t wondering where to inaugurate. And hitherto here we are.
Now, for those of you genuinely panicking about the seeming inevitability of a Trump administration, let’s try to put you a bit at ease. Although Trump has a massive precede in the GOP primaries and is all but destined to become the party’s campaigner for the presidency, he also has one of the most difficult favorability ratings in electoral history. Basically, if Trump becomes the Republican nominee, then forget Clinton and Sanders — the Democrat could run Tommy Chong for president and still have a good chance of winning.
“I just announced my antagonist, Mr. Jared from Subway, to confes and congratulate him on his yuge victory.”
It’s no secret that The Donald isn’t precisely your traditional republican. In detail, until 2004, he was a registered Democrat, and he endorsed Hillary Clinton for chairman. An attack ad from the Jeb Bush campaign in 2015 spotlit some of the disturbingly radical positions that Trump has maintained over the decades, including his claims of being vehemently pro-choice, in favor of tax additions for the rich, and again( we can’t stress this enough ), his brightening endorsement of Hillary Clinton for chairman .
So what changed? According to some( including Jeb Bush himself ), nothing. That is, Donald Trump is a liberal, deep-cover operative hired by the Clinton campaign to realize the Republicans look so nonsensical as to all but clear an empty track for the Democrats in this year’s election.
Paranoid? Maybe not, think that Trump has been close friends with the Clintons for decades.
According to conservative pundit Allen Ginzburg, if, hypothetically, a radical weed was to run a presidential safarus with the deliberate objective of losing and going his antagonist elected, added safarus would be indistinguishable from what Trump is doing now: personifying a imitation of right-wing legislators while reviling his antagonists, predicting supervillain strategies about giant walls taken straight-out from Escape From New York , and endorsing ludicrous internet memes about centipedes and cucks.
It’s also interesting to note that Clinton’s campaign has been riddled with scandals, but that each and every time one comes up, Trump has paraded out like a white knight on a gilded pony to valiantly say something unbelievably idiotic. In June 2015, the media reported on Clinton’s gaffes in the Benghazi scandal, and Trump immediately started talking about how Mexicans are spanning the border to abuse American ladies. When Clinton was pulled up on her most recent email scandal, Trump started talking about how we should totally occupy Mexico.
The millions of people appalling enough to hear this bullshit and scream “FUCK YEAH” should take a bowing, extremely .
In fact, every time the Democrat start tasting their own feet, it seems Donald Trump is on hand to say something stupider. So either he’s employed by the Democrats to form them look good, or he really is that dumb. We can candidly shaking either way.
# 4. “New Coke” Was A Deliberate Failure Designed To Introduce Corn Syrup
Are there any messages that invigorate more dread among the health-conscious than “high-fructose corn syrup? ” Most beings probably don’t even know what it is — only that it’s, like, liquid cancer which likewise forms you fatty .
Starting in the 1980 s, many soda firms, including both Coca-Cola and Pepsi, stopped applying sugar in their liquors and replaced it with corn syrup, for pretty much the only reason massive corporations do anything: It’s much cheaper. But this was only one of two major controversies related to Coca-Cola in the ‘8 0s. The second was the purposes of applying notorious “New Coke.” In 1985, in an attempt to better compete with Pepsi, Coca-Cola changed its recipe. This ought to be permanent, but it only lasted a few months due to the threat of classic Coke followers literally clawing through the walls of Coke Corporate and ripping the still-living tissue from the bones of its calling executives. New Coke wasn’t a success, is what we’re saying.
“WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF “Their childrens”( ‘s tastebuds )! ”
There’s actually spate of proof that HFCS doesn’t feeling the same as cane sugar. For lesson, there are people who will swear to you that Mexican Coke tastes better than American Coke, and will compensate higher payments to get it imported. Mexico’s Coke bottlers are unique in “the worlds” in that they still employ sugar rather than HFCS, due to Mexico’s booming sugar industry. And informal analyzes suggest that 85 percent of parties can tell the difference, and virtually all of them wish the taste of sugar.
They might like corn syrup better if it stopped looking like it came out of your nose after a gargantuan sneeze .
How does this tie in with the New Coke disaster? There are some conspiracy theoreticians who suggest that New Coke wasn’t certainly a catastrophe at all — that the short-lived experiment was, as the Joker would say, all part of the plan.
See, Coca Cola knew that HFCS didn’t truly taste the same, but they needed a room to introduce it without the public notice. So instead of switching to a somewhat brand-new recipe overnight and gamble their devotees calling for blood, they switched to a radically different recipe for three months — just enough time for everyone to forget what real Coke savoured like. So when they went back to Coke Classic, except with corn syrup instead of the real thing, everyone had get the scandalize out of their the mechanisms and were happy to return to the status quo, even if the status wasn’t quite as quo as they thought.
Nothing like a healthy sugar-free food, soaked down with pails of meat because we’re so, so hungry .
# 3. Paul Walker Was Murdered By A Corrupt Charity
Back in 2013, Paul Walker, the stellar of the Fast& Furious series, died in a car accident. He was in the fare accommodate as race car motorist Roger Rodas smashed his Porsche into a lamp pole at 100 miles per hour, and merely look at the wreck …
Even a Highlander couldn’t walk away from that. Plot theorists immediately expected Walker’s death was an assassination, because bad things don’t simply happen in Conspiracy World. They believe that the wreck of Walker’s automobile searches little like it disintegrated into a spar and more like it was stomped on by Godzilla. YouTube detectives have even postulated that the consequences of the Walker’s lethal accident better resembles a monotone strike than a crash.
The important question is: If Walker was murdered, what was the possible incitement? Did the government not want Fast& Furious X: Furiouser and Furiouser to pollute the line?
The theory exits that Walker’s assassination is connected to his association with a Philippines tornado succor endeavor called Reach Out Worldwide. According to the legend, Walker detected an embezzlement defraud linked to his donation, and the crooked officials rigged his automobile to explosion so that he couldn’t go to the media about it.
“In our mettles … and our sights.”
As far-fetched as it would seem, it wouldn’t be the first time that natural disaster charities in the Philippines have been linked to dishonesty gossips. Harmonizing to The New York Times, a wealthy businesswoman mentioned Janet Lim-Napoles had been funneling disaster relief money into her own pockets for decades in a kickback scheme called the “pork barrel scam.” Coincidentally, some of the money was used to buy a condo at a Ritz-Carlton in Los Angeles … and a Porsche.
“The official vehicle of shady donors and the poor saps
who never knew what stumbled ’em” likely won’t mercy Porche ads anytime soon .