Hello all. Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, where you envisioned all your extended family, and in Alexis’ case, slept with a few. Blood is thicker than condoms, as they say in her trailer park.

Anyway, MTV, like the true terrorist radical they find themselves, extended a fucking chapter of this D-list junked the night before Thanksgiving, right in the middle of my prime hometown boozing time.

ME, SEEING A NEW EPISODE ON MY DVR THE FRIDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING :

So yeah, I’ll be trying to include characters from last week’s occurrence in this recap as well, so this substantiate doesn’t seem more moronic than it already is. LOL, like that’s hard.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

If you thought you would miss a week of this indicate and they would actually improve during that week, have I got news for you!

They get three rays, on week nine. Terrence J is like, “That’s the lowest anyone has ever gotten on this picture, ” and it’s like, okay, that depends on your definition of “low.” Like, between perhaps misplacing the money and going home with an STD, this whole show is rock bottom.

Don’t worry though, guys–Keith, the guy who wears spandex American Flag abruptlies and looks like all the men I have ever evaded at the bar, has went this!

Apparently, he investigated math and statistics at Virginia Tech, which in fact sounds like something every guy you eschew at the bar “ve said”. I trust Keith about as much as the American public trusts our president.

According to Keith, Michael and Keyana are a accord. Everyone is like, fuuuuuuuck genuinely? While Keyana is like fuuuuuuuuck you all; I told you. I’m rooting for them to be a coincide, but I’m likewise 79% sure Michael will ultimately bat for the other team. You can trust me, I learnt statistics at Virginia Tech.

Shad is openly skeptical about this whole “blindly trusting Keith” thing, and I can’t blame him. But then again, which is able you rely? A buster called Shad? We’re frankly between a boulder and a buster with an IQ of a rock here.

Michael is so happy he can openly flirt with Geles now that he and Audrey are a no-match. They’ve been talking about their sex chemistry for eight episodes now, and it’s like, we get it, you wanna bone.

PERSON IN THE HOUSE : Wow, the condition is really nice today. MICHAEL AND GELES : Honestly, we have so much sexual chemistry we need to release.

They exhausted the sex chemistry on the bunk that Zoe is literally sleeping in, in the communal province, in front of Audrey. 3/3 for being the most difficult various kinds of parties. Like, you heathens couldn’t even go to the Boom Boom Room? I know Geles is made up of 80% eyelashes and extensions, but somewhere in that figure there has to be a brain to tell her that this is fucking gross.

Audrey is weeping to Shad, and he’s like, “You’re the whole bundle, and they are able to have my whole packet too.”

Shad goes into this whole talking here how women are like weather, and he’s like an oak tree that can withstand the condition, hence why he is perfect for Audrey. Okay, I’ll have what Shad’s having.

SHAD: * punches dampen* I’m like, a tree, ya know?

DD and Kareem are bonding over the fact that they both are from the same regime, and they both “hate being screwed over.” Wow, what a distressing coincidence. It’s so amazing when you have an unbreakable bond with a person who has shares the same generic and obvious characteristics as you. Desire is beautiful.

Meanwhile, at a Donald Trump revival near you, Keith and Alexis are still dating. Honestly, Alexis must have a platinum vagina, because the fact that Keith still is with her after she told him to expire in a automobile disintegrate and then hysterically inserted him to her stuffed bunny rabbit sidekick is inducing. I once told a dude I didn’t like avocado, and he asked for the check.

Oh, to be young and redneck.

THE CHALLENGE

For the challenge they need to have one of three duets move into, Dimetri/ DD, Clinton/ Geles, or Nicole/ Tyler, so they can finally get a fucking perfect match.

The guys will get asked a question about the girls, and if they are wrong( or don’t answer first ), then they need to move a pole from a tower that has balls in it. If the pellet falls, that person is out. That find truly technical…. Let’s throw in a “fuck” in here to keep it up to brand.

Anyway, Keith, Tyler, and Anthony–the guy with the lisp that haunts me in my dreams–win.

Keith takes DD because she hasn’t been on a time yet, which is kind of nice. Anthony takes Zoe to low-key piss off Geles, which I approve of. And Tyler picks Nicole, obvi.

They are going to a recurred dwelling, which sounds like the most difficult year ever. If my time is seeking to take me there, I would just screaming, “I don’t like avocado, ” and hope he takes my ass residence.

TBH , no room are likely to be be scarier than Anthony’s rent jeans. They truly need to win this coin so this poor boy can afford actual clothes. Poor Tyler, he knows that if shit is down, that he’s going to be the first to go.

Duh, because he’s the largest and easiest to grab! Get your head out of the MAGA gutter!

Anthony says to Zoe, “You were the girl I wanted to date since day one, ” which is some babyback bullshit if I’ve ever heard it.

ANTHONY : I liked you from the moment I saw you. ME :

Zoe were unwilling to have sex with get close to Anthony because she is friends with Geles, which is–wait for it–fucking stupid, since Geles and Anthony haven’t been a competition since the beginning of meter. I signify, if Zoe was like, “I can’t get to know him because of his speech hindrance, ” I’d be like, fair enough.

Nicole tells Tyler that she likes to date shitty guys and then sterilize them, and Tyler’s like, “Oh, so you’re the most difficult kind of girlfriend ever, then. Got it.” He tells her that she has the system all incorrect because he analyzed math and statistics at Virginia Tech it never works.

They start making out and downing wine, which is always a great start to a relationship. Even though Nicole still looks like she is in physical suffering being with Tyler, I am still springing for them.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Obviously, everyone mails Tyler and Nicole to the truth booth. And thank you sweet child Jesus, they are a perfect match.

The house is super agitated, and they start singing a made up anthem about. Worst remake of EVER.

ME, WATCHING THIS :

Geles and Clinton are talking–and by talking, I mean, Geles is shoving her tits in Clinton’s face–while Clinton is asking Jesus for forgiveness for guessing impure conceives. Uche saunters by, super pissed off, and Geles is like, “She kind of scares me.” Actually? Uche’s personality is on par with paint dehydrating on a wall, so the only practice she could hurt you is like, by digesting you to death.

Geles is low-key evading Clinton to make out with her, and “thats what” I imagine is going through Clinton’s dumb but pretty head 😛 TAGEND

Eventually, Clinton goes back to Uche. He’s been really tired lately, and he figures a 10 minute exchange with her will apply him directly to sleep.

MY MOM : Say what you will about Geles, but at the least she’s getting to know all the guys in the house.

Yes, I’m sure Geles is very popular.

OTHER SHIT

The house decides to practice out the programme with Keith acting as Trump and Alexis acting as Sarah Sanders. Shad takes the role of the FBI and decides to question wtf going on here here.

Keith asks Shad if he thinks he and Audrey are a competition, and Shad’s like, “Well yeah, because when you see yourself in five years…” and Keith is like, “WRONG! That’s not written answers. Crooked Shad! Always Lying! I’m the best at refutes, believe me.”

Shad saves trying to explain himself, and literally , no one tells him fucking speak. Alexis is like, “Don’t listen to Shad, he’s stupid. Keith is smart.” Alexis, you literally have a third grade education. A fucking high school junior is like Einstein to you.

They are basing this whole programme on either Joe and Zoe being a match or Shad and Audrey has become a coincide. Though Shad cuss to god they find themselves, he’s unhappily disregarded( much like our FBI ), and they go with the dumber mixture instead.

I crave right for Shad. #TheResistance

THE MATCH-UP CEREMONY

Keith is hoping this match-up opens them more information, so ya know, he can Virginia Tech this thing up. For a person so good at math, he should know the stranges of Alexis killing him one day are like, truly high.

Anthony disappears firstly and picks Uche. Well, there’s a duo I would never associate with ever.

Joe pickings Zoe, because strategy.

Dimitri pickings Audrey. After last week and his bullshit with Jada( he mostly was the most difficult dick to her because he didn’t want to be her competitor ), Dimitri, or Demitri or whatever the fucking his figure is, can eat a pouch of dicks. JADA DOES NOT DESERVE YOU PEOPLE.

Shad collects Alivia, who is offering her first born child for this to not be real.

Clinton collects Geles obvi.

Uche establishes Geles the go-ahead “to do whatever she misses with Clinton, ” and Geles is like, “See all the roadblocks stopping me from to know Clinton !!!!!!! So many obstacles !!!!! ”

Malcolm picks Alexis. LOL, like Alexis “wouldve been” return Malcolm home to mom and dad.

Keith is up next. Everyone is, like, very concerned about this strategy, specially Shad. Shad tries to speak again, and Keith tells him to shut the fuck up. Normally, I would be springing for a fight here, but Keith would wipe the floor with Shad’s Abercrombie ass.

It’s so hard having to watch two busters you affection, but also evenly hate, fight. :/

Keith collects Jada.

Ethan collects Nurys. Yeah, that’s another combat I wouldn’t bet on. How in the world is Ethan going to handle Nurys’ dick?

Kareem selects DD because they have so much in common. I signify, did you see how she has teeth AND “hes having” teeth ?! Unreal!

Michael selects Keyana, who is ready to be petty AF when it turns out she is right. YAS GURL.

So, they end up getting five out of 11, which is like , not good. But what do I know? I didn’t study statistics and math at Virginia Tech.