If you care anything about or like, have internet or television, you know there’s been a lot of shit going around about Arie last-name-starts-with-an-L Jr. aka the Bachelor none of us wanted but somehow we got. He fucks Arizona sorority girls (allegedly). He had a girlfriend five minutes ago (allegedly). Sounds like a real peach (alleged—oh wait). But instead of simply trusting Reality Steve and the hundreds of girls coming forward with Arie fuckboy horror stories, we decided to really dig into some deep Pulitzer-worthy investigative journalism. Okay fine. We just stalked his Instagram. You caught us. But either way, this is factual. So here’s a roundup of the main shit Arie has been up to, according to his own social media presence. Oh, and I’m not including racing cars but we already fucking know that.
1. He Was Deemed The Traffic Menace Of Scottsdale
First of all, lol. I’m pretty sure my dad calls me that anytime he gets in the car with me. Apparently, according to many reports, Arie is a fucking BSCB on the real roads, not just when he’s racing. Like, he’s gone to jail over it. I mean, you have to be a real psycho of a driver to get arrested for it. So like, hopefully this season ABC doesn’t let him drive any of the women around because even producers can’t work their way around a vehicular homicide charge.
2. He Tried To Use His Reality Star Fame To Social Climb With Actual Celebrities
Arie’s Instagram is filled with celebs and he looks thirstier than Ariel Winter on a red carpet. But look at him now. If the tale of a man who gets dumped on a TV show, who then allegedly fucks his way around the Southwest until the same show is desperate enough for him to be the main dude five years later, isn’t an inspiration to the youth of this country then I don’t know what is. Anyway, he’s posted pics with Maria Menounos, Ryan Lochte and ’s Karina Smirnoff. So celebrity is a loose term, but still. Way more famous than him.
3. He And The Winner From Emily’s Season, Jef, Became Best Bros
Vomit. After Jef and Emily called it quits (on ? I’m shocked), he and Arie became each other’s wingmen and if you take the time to scroll to the bottom of Arie’s ‘Gram there’s plenty of evidence. Clearly things didn’t work out, because since the big
disappointment announcement, Jef has come out with cryptic af tweets about how much of fuckboy Arie actually is and even called him “disgusting”. Here’s hoping those vague posts turn into a tell-all ASAP.
Fucked Dated Courtney Robertson From Ben F.’s Season
Before y’all @ me and ask if I mean Ben Higgins, no I don’t. Ben F. is the fugly Bachelor we all tried to erase from our memory. Like, Mike Fleiss literally picked a bro that looked like fucking Francine from over Arie and now we’ve decided he’s the No. 1 choice. But anyway. Courtney was the girl Ben F. picked and the OG Bach villain. After she and Ben didn’t work out she went for Arie and they’ve been dating on and off for years. In her memoir, she said he was the best sex she ever had (*pukes*) so that’s the first nice thing anyone has ever said about Arie publicly.
5. He Started Friendships With Sean And Catherine
If you’re like me, this is v confusing to you. How can the biggest fuckboy in Bach history be friends with the religious virgin couple? Aren’t they like, pissed that he fucks teenagers? No? Bueller?
6. He May Have Tried To Hook Up With The Bride At A Wedding
Okay, this is a stretch. But I’m just presenting evidence. What you choose to believe because of it is up to you. I personally choose to believe he tried to steal the bride. Here’s why. There is a pic on his Instagram of him and some girl in a wedding dress and they are WAY too cozy. Like, I’m surprised he didn’t legit get his ass whooped.