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Joe Biden Consoles Meghan McCain in Powerfully Emotional TV Moment

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Joe Biden and Meghan McCain shared a truly powerful emotional moment Wednesday morning on The View while discussing how cancer has affected their loved ones.

Bidens son Beau passed away in 2015 from glioblastoma, a notoriously fast-growing brain cancer with a dramatically low survival rate. Its the same cancer Meghans father, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), was diagnosed with earlier this year.

Already fighting back tears, McCain told the former vice president, I couldnt get through your book, referring to Bidens Promise Me, Dad, a memoir about his sons battle with the deadly cancer. I tried… Im sorry.

She continued, tears beginning to flow: I think about Beau almost every day, and I was toldIm sorrythat this doesnt get easier, but you cultivate the tools to work with this. I know you and your family have been through a tragedy that I havent conceived of.

Biden immediately began to console McCain, switching seats to be next to her, and holding her hand as she wept.

Look, look, look… one of the things that gave Beau couragemy wordwas John. You may remember when you were a little kid, your dad took care of my Beau. Your dad… became friends with Beau. And Beau talked about your dads couragenot about illnessbut about his courage.

He turned to the audience, still holding McCains hand, and attempted to offer some hope for anyone suffering from glioblastoma, which is about as bad as it gets: Theres a lot of things happening… theres breakthroughs that are occurring now… It could happen tomorrow. Biden cited the University of Pennsylvanias recent innovation of using immune cells to fight solid tumors.

So there is hope, he emphasized. And if anyone can make it, your dadher dad is one of my best friends.

The pair joked about how Sen. McCain has gone after Biden hammer and tong in the past, but I know if I picked up the phone tonight and called John McCain and said, John, Im at Second and Vine in Oshkosh, and I need your help. Come, he would get on a plane and come.

Biden concluded: The thing that I foundand Beau insisted on, your dad is going to insist onis youve got to maintain hope. You have to have hope.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/joe-biden-consoles-meghan-mccain-in-powerfully-emotional-tv-moment

Nick Jonas Dropped His “Find You” Music Video& We’re All Freaking Out

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OMG, you guys. Today is already a great day. Nick Jonas’ “Find You” music video is ultimately here, and it’s actually, really good. Nick Jonas, the international humanity of sex, is always remarkable us with brand new music, and this time it’s something wholly, utterly classy. Jonas’ new song, “Find You, ” is the sort of soothing motif to get you in the mood to dance on the beach with a knot of attractive strangers. Jonas does that in the music video, and this is really inducing for me. Can I do that? Is that what a beach day with Jonas is like? If so, sign me up.

Jonas descent “Find You” on Sept. 14, 2017, and the whole world started bobbing their headings. We know where to find you, Nick Jonas. You can find him on the radio until forever because this song is catchy AF, y’all. So what does this music video actually necessitate? Who is it about, and why is he driving an expensive automobile so close to the irrigate? Watch out, buster! One of the texts says, “I look for you in the center of the sun.” I have no clue what that could symbolize, but do not gaze directly at the sunlight, people. It’s not worth it to merely find a mystery girl that preserves concealing from you. No way.

This is Jonas’ second song to come out this summer, and we aren’t mad about it. The anthem, “Remember I Told You” was the catchy song released after May. It boasted Mike Posner and Anne Marie, and it showcased Jonas’ sultry voice. Mama like. Both songs are completely different, but these are sensual.

One thing is for certain, Jonas knows how to connect with his fans. In October of 2016, he told

Heartbreak is a topic that a lot of parties relate to — the challenges presented by the next steps in your life, and when some doors close, and how you approach the next ones opening … I experienced pretty quickly that it was a lot of what my followers could relate to. It’s nerve-wracking when[ the looks] are as personal as the ones that I shared were. But I appear counteracted when I use my writing as a path to process — it’s extremely therapeutic.

Jonas is getting deep, and I like it.

Here are more lyrics to deeply analyze 😛 TAGEND

I took a capsule but it didn’t facilitate me numb
I see your face even when my eyes are shut
But I never certainly know where to find you

I taste the words that keep falling out your mouth
If I could love you I would never put you down
But I never genuinely know where to find you

Where to find you
Where to find you
But I never really know where to find you
Try, try, try
Try, try, try
Try, try, try
But I never truly know where to find you

I’m guessing, based on the music video, Jonas is stumbling through a sweltering, steamy desert all alone, and finally meets the beautiful California coast. Although one would assume the first stop would be directly into the monstrous body of water, Jonas instead dances with all the beautiful women working in the beach. Hey, we all have our priorities. Is he looking for that special wife he lost long ago? Is he searching for himself? Oh, Jonas. You are a mysterious man.

At the end of the video, Jonas climbs into a Lyft on the beach and leaves. Yes, he gets into a freakin’ Lyft. I couldn’t think it is either, but it happened. Does that have intend, or is it ingenious make placement? Probably a little of both, honestly. Although Jonas never seems to find who he’s looking for, the music video is a yummy treat.

Now, let’s all get out there and shake our hips to this sexy little song and find our inner dance! Afterall, we’re all looking for something.

Check out the entire Gen Why serial and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV .

Paris Hilton’s Brother Conrad Sued For Get Into A Car Crash … The Day After He Induced A Plea Deal For A Different Wreck!

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Conrad Hilton simply can’t stay out of trouble.

A lawsuit

Miz Auld recollects Paris’ scandalized sibling examining startled with his hands in the air just before he gate-crashed into her vehicle.

She also alleges the real estate heir threw a bong out his window, and had thrown up all over himself before going out of his car.

Kelly claims in her suit that Conrad had been banned from driving after penetrating a court-appointed stimulant medication program last year.

The SUV was registered to his father Rick Hilton ‘s firm Hilton& Hyland .

The craziest side about this whole happen is that the disintegrate apparently went down just one day after the disturbed person had made a request treat involving his high-speed 2014 disintegrate in Palm Springs.

[ Image via Conrad Hilton/ Instagram .]

6-Yr-Old Confesses Why Hes a Naughty Boy to SantaThen Santa Whispers 5 Words

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“It’s OK to be you.”

These five little words may seem like no big deal to me or you, but for one little boy with autism, they changed his world.

When 6-year-old Landon Johnson went to sit on Santa’s lap at the RiverTown Crossings Mall, it started out pretty typical as he relayed all the gifts he would like that year: a Wii, a remote control car, and a toy dinosaur.

But what Landon’s mom did NOT expect is that he would rush back to Santa’s lap to confess something that he thought was really really bad about himself. He wanted to let Santa know he had autism. Even more heartbreaking is the question he posed after the confession.

“Will my autism put me on the naughty list?” Landon asked. To his mom’s amazement, Santa just started rubbing her son’s hands to calm him down, as he told him, “It’s okay to be you.”

“You know I love you and the reindeer love you and it’s OK. You’re a good boy,” Santa told WOOD-TV. “You’re a good boy, you know.”

“This stranger in a red suit told my son the same message I’ve been trying to get through to him for a while now—that he’s special and I love him just the way he was made,” Landon’s mom told Today.com. “Seeing Landon’s face light up in that moment was just incredible. I couldn’t stop crying.”

His mom shared this heartwarming picture and post on Facebook that has since been shared by thousands of others touched by their story:

“I had an AMAZING experience w the Santa at the RiverTown Crossings Mall and I want to share my story with you:

My child is amazing! He has his quirks and drives me bonkers, but he is amazing! The other day he went to see Santa w the cousins. He said his peace to the old man in red and walked away. While aunt Brittany waited for pictures to print, he went back to Santa bc he wanted to tell him that he has Autism. He was flapping his hands, all excited to let Santa know that he has autism.

Santa sat him next to him and took L’s hands in his and started rubbing them, calming them down. Santa asked L if it bothered him, having Autism? L said yes, sometimes. Then Santa told him it shouldn’t. It shouldn’t bother him to be who he is. L told Santa that sometimes he gets in trouble at school and it’s hard for people to understand that he has autism, and that he’s not a naughty boy. Santa told L to not worry and that he has been a very good boy being who he is. They sat, and chatted for at least 5 mins. Santa payed close attention and listened to him. This just melts this momma’s heart! My child is a great advocate for himself. But this day was different. He opened up to this person about who he was and he was accepted. He wasn’t a science experiment, like he gets treated when most people find out he autistic. He was Landon, sitting with Santa and being told that it was ok to be himself. Mommy tells him all the time that he’s special and I love him the way he was made, but it’s always nice to hear it from others. To be told that it’s ok to be who he is.

We have met a lot of amazing people in our Autism journey, but this one made the top of the list.
Shout out to the Santa at the RiverTown Crossings Mall. You.are.AMAZING!”

Share Landon’s incredible story of Santa’s unconditional love to keep the Christmas cheer alive and raise awareness for special boys just like him!

If you’d like to learn more about how you can support the autistic community, visit Autism Speaks today. 

Read more: https://faithit.com/6-yr-old-confesses-hes-naughty-boy-santa-santa-whispers-5-words/

Teslas Burning Through Nearly Half a Million Dollars Every Hour

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Elon Musk said last week that Tesla Inc. is designing a new sports car that could go from zero to 60 mph in 1.9 seconds. Not bad, but here’s a speed number that investors might want to focus on instead: 

Over the past 12 months, the electric-car maker has been burning money at a clip of about $8,000 a minute (or $480,000 an hour), Bloomberg data show. At this pace, the company is on track to exhaust its current cash pile on Monday, Aug. 6. (At 2:17 a.m. New York time, if you really want to be precise.)

To be fair, few Tesla watchers expect the cash burn to continue at quite such a breakneck pace, and the company itself says it’s ramping up output of its all-important Model 3, which will bring money in the door. Investors don’t seem concerned. Tesla shares rose almost 3 percent to $317.81 Tuesday, giving it a market capitalization of $53 billion. Ford Motor Co. is worth $48 billion.

But still, its need for fresh cash came into high relief last week when Musk unveiled his latest plan to raise funds. He’s asking customers to pay him upfront to order vehicles that may not be delivered for years.

The Founders Series Roadster will cost buyers a $250,000 down payment even though it’s not coming for more than two years. Orders of those cars are capped at 1,000, meaning they alone could generate $250 million. Tesla is charging a total of $50,000 for reservations of the regular Roadster. Companies can also pre-order electric Semi trucks for $5,000, though they don’t go into production until 2019.

But all this is a pittance compared with Tesla’s financial needs. It’s blowing through more than $1 billion a quarter thanks to massive investment in making the Model 3, a $35,000 car that’s looking less likely to generate a return anytime soon.

“Whether they can last another 10 months or a year, he needs money, and quickly,” said Kevin Tynan, senior analyst with Bloomberg Intelligence, who estimates Tesla will be required to raise at least $2 billion in fresh capital by mid-2018.

Ample Money

Tesla has said it has ample money to meet its target of producing 5,000 Model 3 sedans by the end of March. After that date, the company expects to “generate significant cash flows from operating activities,” Tesla said in a Nov. 1 letter to shareholders. Tesla’s capital expenditures should also decline as the company pays off its expenses related to the Model 3, CFO Deepak Ahuja said on a conference call the same day.

Dave Arnold, a spokesman for Palo Alto-based Tesla, declined to elaborate.

Tesla’s options are limited.

It’s already drawing down on more of its revolving credit facilities than ever before. And while the bond market is a possible route, it may not be especially welcoming right now. Investors who bought $1.8 billion of debt three months ago remain under water even after the notes recovered a bit from a low of 93.88 cents on the dollar early this month.

That may leave selling equity as the most viable option. But that, of course, would dilute existing shareholders, and Musk, at 20 percent, is the biggest.

For more on Tesla, check out the   podcast:

“So long as the company is burning cash, it will remain dependent on the patience and enthusiasm of public markets or the deep pockets of a white knight,” said Christian Hoffmann, a money manager at Thornburg Investment Management.

Interactive: The Future According to Elon Musk

    Read more: http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-11-21/tesla-is-blowing-through-8-000-every-minute-amid-model-3-woes

    Margaret Thatcher’s resignation offended politicians in US and USSR, registers reveal

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    Emotional Henry Kissinger called to say it was worse than a death in the family and Soviet ambassador reported consternation

    Margaret Thatchers abandonment as British “ministers ” provoked rips in Washington and bewilderment in Moscow, is in accordance with trade secrets Downing Street file exhausted on Friday.

    Henry Kissinger rang Downing Street in a very emotional state saying her decision to resign was worse than a fatality in the family, while Thatchers closest consultant, Charles Powell, told the US national defence consultant, General Brent Scowcroft, that her deviation was a sad commentary on conditions of loyalty in politics.

    The Downing Street file entitled The Resignation of the “Ministers “, Margaret Thatcher, includes eulogies from world leaders to Thatcher, a two-page briefing note from the cabinet secretary explaining why an immediate general election was not necessary, and a acceptance action plan setting out a timetable for the fateful epoch of 22 November 1990.

    Thatcher
    Thatcher on her judgement day in Downing Street. Photograph: Martin Argles for the Guardian

    It also contains a strange 1991 rebuttal by John Wakeham, then a cabinet minister, of allegations in a forthcoming book by the correspondent Alan Watkins that he had deliberately triggered Thatchers downfall by initiating the ceremony of cabinet ministers who one by one informed her she would not win a second round leadership ballot against Michael Heseltine.

    Thatcher quit to leave the field clear for John Major and Douglas Hurd to fight off Heseltine, a move recorded by the Guardian that day under the headline: Battle to halt the usurper.

    The cabinet documents for 1989 and 1990 secreted at the National Archive at Kew on Friday also include the minutes of Thatchers last-place cabinet gratify, during which she said her consultations among peers had indicated that all were supportive but most thought that it was now unlikely she would prevail the ballot. Officially the instants record that the cabinet took note, with profound sadness, of the statement by the prime minister.

    The files likewise contain articles from the October 1989 acceptance of her chancellor, Nigel Lawson, which evidence Thatchers principal private secretary, Andrew Turnball, told her that she could pass his resignation to her advantage by exposing his program of trying to get sterling into the European Monetary System by the back door by shadowing the Deutschmark despite her opposition.

    Thatcher
    Thatcher with Nigel Lawson. Photograph: Manchester Daily Express/ SSPL via Getty Images

    Thatchers departure was partially triggered by popular resentment over the canvas tariff, which she championed. It was seen as an is making an effort to alteration additional burdens of taxes from the rich to the poor and as an example of an increasingly authoritarian mode of leadership.

    Geoffrey Howe renounced as deputy prime minister at the opening up of November in declaration over her European policies and in an agonising Commons discussion recommended the time had come for defendant colleagues to consider their own response to the terrible conflict of allegiances with which I have myself wrestled for perhaps too long. Michael Heseltine then objection her for the Conservative party leadership, provoking a game from which she subsequently moved.

    The Downing Street articles show that while Thatchers resignation was regarded as a slow-motion car accident by those at Westminster, it was saluted with incomprehension in the wider world.

    In Kissingers psychological phone call to No 10 he told Thatchers foreign policy adviser, Powell, that she had been one of the great people of modern times and nothing outside Britain surely nothing outside Westminster could understand how your fellow Conservatives could have done this.

    Henry
    Henry Kissinger, the former United states secretary of state. Photo: PA

    The feeling was even more acute in Moscow. The Soviet ambassador handed over a personal letter to Margaret from Mikhail Gorbachev saying there had been bewilderment at the turn of events: Gorbachev had sent Shevardnadze[ his foreign minister] out of a high level fit in the Kremlin to telephone him, to find out what on globe was going on and how such a thing “couldve been” imaginable, preserved Powell.

    The ambassador said that he had indeed felt it very hard to explain. Indeed, there was a certain irony. Five years ago they had defendant takeovers in the Soviet Union and elections held in Britain. Now it seemed to be the other way round.

    Thatcher
    Thatcher with Mikhail Gorbachev in 1987. Photograph: AFP/ Getty Images

    A Foreign Office review of Italian press reaction says various newspapers compared her to Queen Elizabeth I and Queen Victoria and the general idea is that she was a great chairman introduced down by her own intransigence. One Italian weekly, Panorama, takes the position that although the domestic economy, the referendum tax and Europe were major factors in her increasing unpopularity most British politicians saw it unbearable that the status of women should continue to lead them.

    The eulogies are also notable for the personal meanings from the heads of the security services. Patrick Walker of MI5 thanks her for her reinforce, particularly as the first part of the 1980 s with the Bettaney instance and its aftermath and the Peter Wright saga were not easy.

    The Downing Street file reveals that while global leaders were aloud singing her praises her own cabinet colleagues were notably little effusive. A collect among members of her last locker organized by Ken Baker. It was enough to buy a duet of silver candlesticks. But her successor, John Major, have recognized that the presentation should take place softly in the lord chancellors lodges at Westminster as this would be both little unpleasant for her and too allure less publicity than an affair for this purpose in No 10.

    She Bought A Puppy Off Of Craigslist. A Day Later, She Had To Make An Awful Decision

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    According to Craigslist’s terms of use, selling pets on the site is prohibited. However, it does allow users to rehome their pets and charge prospective adopters a small fee via its pet section.

    But because these rules haven’t been strictly regulated in the past, many have abused them for nefarious purposes, including selling animals to research labs, as bait in dog fighting rings, or even to people who torture them for fun. One young woman from Portland, Oregon, became the victim of such a seller back in 2015 when she bought a puppy from someone she thought was a reputable breeder. She only got to spend 24 hours with her new friend before being forced to make a gut-wrenching decision.

    After coming across an ad on Craigslist for an Akita mix, Kristen Jondahl arranged to meet the seller in a parking lot in Lacey, Washington. She named the puppy Lacey.

    Jondahl noticed that Lacey was quiet on the car ride home, but she chalked it up to her being tired after the day’s events. The morning after, though, Lacey began throwing up.

    She immediately took Lacey to a local vet, where she was devastated to learn the puppy had parvovirus, a highly contagious and life-threatening illness. Painful as it was for her, Jondahl chose the most humane option for Lacey — euthanasia.

    Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/craigslist-puppy-death/

    Nick Jonas Drooped His “Find You” Music Video& We’re All Freaking Out

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    OMG, you guys. Today is already a great day. Nick Jonas’ “Find You” music video is eventually here, and it’s certainly, really good. Nick Jonas, the international male of sexy, is always surprising us with brand new music, and this time it’s something entirely, absolutely stylish. Jonas’ new sung, “Find You, ” is the sort of soothing motif to get you in the mood to dance on the beach with a cluster of attractive strangers. Jonas does that in the music video, and it is truly inspiring for me. Can I do that? Is that what a beach day with Jonas is like? If so, sign me up.

    Jonas plummeted “Find You” on Sept. 14, 2017, and the whole world started bobbing their fronts. We know where to find you, Nick Jonas. You can find him on the radio until forever because this song is catchy AF, y’all. So what does this music video genuinely symbolize? Who is it about, and why is he driving an expensive auto so close to the ocean? Watch out, dude! One of the melodics says, “I look for you in the center of the sun.” I have no clue what that could intend, but do not watch immediately at the sunlight, beings. It’s not worth it to merely find a whodunit girlfriend that remains obscuring from you. No way.

    This is Jonas’ second song to come out the summer months, and we aren’t mad about it. The song, “Remember I Told You” was the catchy theme released in May. It boasted Mike Posner and Anne Marie, and it showcased Jonas’ sultry voice. Mama like. Both songs are completely different, but these are sensual.

    One thing is for certain, Jonas knows how to connect with his devotees. In October of 2016, he told

    Heartbreak is a topic that a lot of parties relate to — the challenges of the next steps in your life, and when some openings open, and how you approach the next ones opening … I construed pretty quickly that it was a lot of what my devotees could relate to. It’s nerve-wracking when[ the seems] are as personal as the ones that I shared were. But I feel allayed when I use my writing as a style to treat — it’s exceedingly therapeutic.

    Jonas is getting deep, and I like it.

    Here are more texts to deeply analyze 😛 TAGEND

    I took a capsule but it didn’t help me numb
    I see your face even when my sees are shut
    But I never really know where to find you

    I taste the words that keep falling out your mouth
    If I could love you I would never put you down
    But I never actually know where to find you

    Where to find you
    Where to find you
    But I never actually know where to find you
    Try, try, try
    Try, try, try
    Try, try, try
    But I never actually know where to find you

    I’m guessing, based on the music video, Jonas is stumbling through a sweltering, steamy desert all alone, and finally detects the beautiful California coast. Although one would assume the first stop would be immediately into the monstrous body of water, Jonas instead dances with all the beautiful women on the beach. Hey, we all have our priorities. Is he looking for that special female “hes losing” long ago? Is he searching for himself? Oh, Jonas. You are a strange man.

    At the end of the video, Jonas climbs into a Lyft on the beach and leaves. Yes, he gets into a freakin’ Lyft. I couldn’t believe it either, but it happened. Times that have intend, or is it cunning make placement? Maybe a little bit of both, candidly. Although Jonas never seems to find who he’s go looking for, the music video is a yummy treat.

    Now, let’s all get out there and shake our hips to this sexy little song and find our inner dance! Afterall, we’re all looking for something.

    Check out the entire Gen Why sequence and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire Tv .

    Wimbledon: Venus Williams, Sam Querrey and CoCo Vandeweghe contribute US charge

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    The five-time Wimbledon champion Venus Williams has returned to the quarter-finals at the All England Club

    The five-time Wimbledon champion Venus Williams has returned to the quarter-finals at the All England Club with a 6-3, 6-2 succes over 19 -year-old Ana Konjuh of Croatia. She is joined in the last eight by her compatriot CoCo Vandeweghe, who overpowered the No5 seed Caroline Wozniacki. There was more success for the US in the mens draw as Sam Querrey drummed Kevin Anderson in five establisheds to set up a rally with the predominating champion, Andy Murray. Querrey also reached the last eight last year after his upset victory over Novak Djokovic.

    The 37 -year-old Williams established her grand slam debut at the 1997 French Open, seven months before Konjuh was born.

    Williams served impeccably, making seven virtuosoes and winning 31 of 36 first-serve details. Williams will next face the French Open champion, Jelena Ostapenko, in the quarter-finals. The 20 -year-old Latvian, who won her first tour-level designation at Roland Garros last month, hit fourth-seeded Elina Svitolina 6-3, 7-6 on Court 12.

    Vandeweghe is into the quarter-finals at Wimbledon after her 7-6( 7-4 ), 6-4 win on No3 Court. The 24 th-seeded American had eight superstars while Wozniacki had zero.

    Wozniacki has already been to contact the quarter-finals at the All England Club in 11 appearings but has advanced to that stagecoach at the other three grand slam occasions, including 2 US Open finals. Vandeweghe also made it to the quarter-finals at the All England Club two summers ago, when she lost to Maria Sharapova.

    It was Williams first match since police in Florida rescinded their original conclusion that she was at fault in a two-car accident last month. A fare in the other vehicle expired approximately two weeks later. Police said on Friday that video showed Williams legally entered the intersection and now no accuse has been determined in the accident.

    Williams has enjoyed late vocation success over the past 12 months. She reached the semi-finals at last years Wimbledon and arrived at the final of the Australian Open her first grand slam final since 2009 in January, where she lost to her sister, Serena.

    He Just Wanted What Was Best For Me

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    God & Man

    When we met, he told me how much he adored me for being so ambitious, so independent.

    “You’re not like other girls. You’re so smart and strong. You’ve accomplished so much. I can actually have a conversation with you!”

    I was young and I didn’t know that men who said things like this, were not men you should have around. I brushed it off because he was right. I was smart and strong, and his opinions about me didn’t matter to me. He was a witty law undergrad, and he made me laugh. I enjoyed his company. Pretty soon we were dating.

    I continued being the girl he claimed to adore, only a more extreme version. I steamed ahead with my own successes, while emotionally supporting him as he quit his job to pursue his dreams. We talked about building a future together. I helped him start his dream business, a box gym, and having been a strategist at one of the biggest global gym chains, I was able to talk him through the process, step by step. Having spent much of my career coming up with names for businesses, I did the same for him. I built his brand, developed his strategy. I held him while he sobbed at night over the erratic nature of entrepreneur-life, comforted him through the fickle nature of customer retention, pulled out charts and graphs to show him that this was a predictable part of the startup phase.

    “Nobody turns profits immediately,” I reassured him. “It’s going to be okay.”

    I took control of the parts of the business he couldn’t, often without him knowing, because I didn’t want him to stress out further. Because I had experience that he didn’t. Because he was childlike and fragile, despite his muscle and brawn, and I wanted to protect him.

    Because I wanted what was best for him.

    But I wasn’t super woman. I was working a full-time job, writing books at night, maintaining my own part-time business, pursuing my own dreams. The macro- and micro-managing took its toll on me. At some point, I suggested he take over the parts of his business I was handling, or make me a partner in it. Like a strong, accomplished woman would do.

    He got angry.

    “I didn’t ask you to help with any of it,” he snapped.

    This was the first time I felt reality tilt. I distinctly remembered him asking me to come up with a name for his gym, to find a designer to design his logo, to set up his website. Because he had never had a proper job or bank account, we ran all his digital ads through my credit card. My address was listed as the primary address on all his email servers, his Google alerts, his business and search ratings. To this day, six years post our break up, they still are. Why?

    We’d been in his car when he said it. It was a sweltering summer’s day, and we were turning into Strand Street near the Cathedral in Cape Town. I was busy putting the exchange servers for his email into his phone.

    “Is it working now?” he asked.

    “Yes. It’s working.”

    “Thank you so much,” he replied. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, my lioness.”

    That’s what he used to call me. Lioness.

    On another occasion, he would interrupt me while I was at work with a phone call.

    “How do I get a sign made in the shape of our logo?”

    It would take me an hour to tell him which printers to go to. To ask for something called a ‘die-cut’. To choose a light wood, so that it could be mounted. I reminded him of his Pantone, so that his colors would all match up.

    “Thank you, my lioness. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

    After that day, when I’d asked him for some help, some acknowledgment, he started distancing himself from me. I would hear from his friends that he’d say, “She’s just not much of a homemaker. She’s a little bit… crazy.”

    He was right. I was too busy running half his business, as well as my own. Winning awards, writing a book that would go on to get four and five star reviews. Managing his emotions.

    It left little time to care too much about cushions and vases. And honestly? It was making me a bit mad. I would collapse on weekends, exhausted.

    “Why do you sleep so much?” he’d ask. “Are you depressed?”

    Sometimes I wondered if we occupied the same reality.

    He came from a wealthy family. His father had bought him his first home, and hired an interior designer to decorate it. He’d never worked three jobs. He’d never really had a proper job, to be fair. I was sympathetic. He just didn’t understand, I told myself.

    I cried. A lot. Mostly on my own, but sometimes I’d cry in front of him.

    “Why are you so emotional?” he started saying.

    “You really shouldn’t drink that much Coke Light.”

    “You look ridiculous in those glasses.”

    “Are you really wearing those pants?”

    He’d look at my body in a bikini, push his lips to one side.

    I was tiny. Shrinking. Inside and out.

    So small, I’d stopped questioning what was going on.

    So small, I’d started believing him.

    He in turn, got bigger every day, pushing heavier weights, downing Creatine protein shakes, obsessively staring at himself in mirrors.

    “Maybe if I stop eating avo I can cut some calories…?” I mumbled.

    But he’d tuned out, absorbed in his phone, editing pictures of himself. Choosing a filter for Instagram that would make his abs look the most cut.

    “You should really stop posting pictures of yourself on the internet,” he said to me at some point. “You’re starting to look a bit vain.”

    One night, on a weekend trip to attend the wedding of close friends, we were eating dinner, and he finished his food before me. Suddenly he stormed out of the room, slamming plates, doors.

    “What’s wrong?” I asked, concerned. “Are you okay?”

    I didn’t finish my dinner. I got into bed and stared back of his head. I hated myself for chewing so loudly that I’d pushed away the man I loved.

    I resolved to chew softer. To be quieter.

    I started speaking less and running excessively.

    Ten kilometers became twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen.

    Twice a week became three, four, five.

    “Running doesn’t make you thin,” he said. “Only strength training makes you thin.”

    I’d been a runner long before I met him. Exercise had been a source of joy for me, a way for me to reconnect with my body.

    “But I run because I love it.”

    He’d snorted.

    “Might as well not bother.”

    At home, I would stare at myself in the mirror.

    I’d spent much of my life dealing with body issues and eating disorders, something running had soothed and solved. Had it all been a waste of time? At lunches with his family, I’d stare at his sister’s shoulder blades, poking out of her skin like coat hangers; a tiny, delicate pterodactyl in Country Road dresses.

    “Men actually find strong women sexy,” he’d say, directly contradicting himself.

    His sister would peck at her food, pushing it around her plate.

    “Are you really going to have another piece of cake?” he’d say to me.

    I began dissociating, detaching from the endless emotional push and pull.

    “I just want to help you. I just want what’s best for you,” he’d say.

    I believed him. I needed help. Faced with the apparent disaster that was me, I’d cry.

    I’d cry and cry and cry.

    “I think you should see a psychologist,” he said. “It’s clear that you have problems. You have pain you need to deal with.”

    At this point, I believed him. The pain was real.

    I went to a psychologist, who told me that he was toxic, his behavior controlling. This wasn’t what I wanted to hear, though. I was the problem, I explained. So I stopped going to the psychologist. But my boyfriend did not like this.

    “You really need to sort yourself out,” he said. “It’s those friends of yours, they’re a bad influence.”

    I’d long lost the will to argue. I began seeing my best friend in secret.

    “I’m glad you’re not hanging out with her anymore. Let’s face it, she’s a slut. You know I’m only saying this because I love you, right? Because I’m concerned for you.”

    “I know,” I said, through tears. “I know.”

    My gran died a month before her 99th birthday.

    He didn’t come with me to the funeral. He went to gym, instead.

    “I’m going for a new PB today,” he’d texted me that morning. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

    When I called him on my way home, I asked if he could help me carry a chair I’d retrieved from her room in the retirement village, a keepsake by which to remember her.

    He was waiting outside my apartment when I returned.

    “I smashed the workout!” he said. “Record time. How was the funeral?”

    I can’t remember what I said. What do you say?

    When we got inside, I opened the balcony door so my cat could go outside. He stepped out and found an ashtray. I’d smoked a joint a few nights earlier, with my now secret bestie, trying to ease my grief. Trying to sleep better. Trying to get by. What happened next is a blur.

    He erupted into a rage. He smashed the ashtray, pushed open the door, stormed out of the house.

    He yelled something, I can’t remember what. I remember feeling fear; physical, emotional. There was swearing. I tugged at his arms, he shrugged me off. I stood in front of his car as he tried to drive away. He revved his engine, me sprawled across the bonnet.

    “Just talk to me,” I pleaded.

    We were that couple. Neighbours peered out of their windows. After he drove away, he refused to take my calls for two weeks. When he finally did, he was the one sitting crying in my lounge.

    “I don’t think I can do this,” he said. “I feel like I’ve been chosen, by God. Like, this gym is my calling. I need to focus on it.”

    And just like that, I realized I wasn’t the crazy person.

    He still runs his gym. The other day I saw he put up a post, thanking everyone who’d helped him get to where he is. My name isn’t listed there. Like so many women who’ve built the careers of men, I’d been erased.

    It’s okay. I doubt he did it maliciously.

    He probably just wanted what was best for me.

    Read more: https://thoughtcatalog.com/alexandra-van-tonder/2017/12/he-just-wanted-what-was-best-for-me/