The format of this dreadfully dull show is identical to other persons of the Kardashian empire: interminable backgrounds of parties sitting in kitchens not feeing cheese plates

Is there a least qualified world establish whiz than Rob Kardashian? If you lined up 10 parties from the casting register of A& Es Intervention and Rob Kardashian and had to choose one to base an ongoing television series around, would you ever pick him unless you knew his last name? Isnt this a tragedy? Shouldnt we all be more upset?

Sunday nights debut of the new E! succession Rob& Chyna observes the proceed of the black sheep Kardashian to the public eye. Hes expended years of his life unwilling to leave his room, which justification him to gain( his terms) a control of heavines. He looks less cozy realizing eye contact with other human being than the little orphan girl Newt from the movie Aliens. A Los Angeles Dodgers hat covers whats left of the poor guys thin, matted “hairs-breadth”. His wardrobe contained in T-shirts , nondescript jeans and sneakers. In other terms, when I watch this astoundingly depressing curriculum, I meet myself and what I might become( minus the millions of dollars ).

The first few minutes of Rob& Chyna intend to do us sympathize with Rob and his pregnant fiancee Blac Chyna. As an aside, isnt it a bit gruesome that Blac Chyna runs almost entirely by the name Chyna in the first episode now that the original Chyna the former WWE wrestler has died? Its like ransacking through someones jewelry after a funeral.

Regardless of what you call her, Blac Chyna is the actual wizard of this demonstrate, even if her reputation is second on the pavilion. She came up from the world-famous row clubs of Atlanta and became something of an entrepreneur, at least in the way that we characterize that term in 2016. She took the Kardashian template of monetizing tabloid notoriety through a sect of personality social media ubiquity, labelled concoctions, and now, the final segment of the problem, an E! world dealership. Shes become a major supporting player in the ongoing Kardashian meta-narrative having a baby with the rapper Tyga, who then leaves her for Kylie Jenner, which leads to Chyna link thrusts with Rob. Whether or not her relationship with Rob is genuine or a calculated effort to increase her earning potential is not for me to decide (* cough its bullshit cough *) but what is is whether or not this Tv show is good. Its not.

Rob
Rob& Chyna: gone with high winds. Picture: E!

If your litmus test for putting with a program is refuting the question does someone fart within the first 10 hours with a yes, then Rob& Chyna is for you. Spoiler alert, Chyna farts in the car. If you prefer a bit of drama, then maybe flip over to another channel. Or hurl your cable chest or streaming design into the nearest open body of water and wander into the town square. Either one is fine with me.

The format of this dreadfully monotonous show is identical to the other outposts of the Kardashian empire: wearisome stages of parties driving luxury vehicles on featureless roadways, be standing kitchens not chewing cheese layers, or folding robes for a business trip-up that are able to or may not ever happen. During these incidents, mush-mouthed pod people debate some ill-defined conflict. Someone needs to go to rehab for a vague trouble. Someone needs to text someone back about a event that happened off camera. Someone feels disrespected. A party invite is lost in the mail. Watching these testifies is like reading “the worlds largest” banal email thread at 3am. Plug sad-eyed agoraphobe Rob Kardashian into this format and you have a medicine for insomnia so potent, the Food and Drug Administration should regulate it.

The ostensible story of this escapade revolves around Rob accusing Chyna of texting guys behind his back. He shows this to be the case because he discovers that Chyna has changed the passcode on her iPhone. He even insinuates that shes fastening up with her ex, Tyga. All of this takes lieu with Rob spread out comfortably on a bed. Chyna repudiates any wrongdoing, then accuses Rob of contacting wives behind her back. He apparently declares it, which I vaguely remember before my eyelids glued closed for the night. It must be the case, because the very next stage is Chyna in another expensive vehicle screaming at Rob to stop texting bitches.

These are the moments one watches reality Tv for hostility, incoherent outcry and profanity. This is why I wish the Andy Cohen Bravo model for reality over the ponderous Ryan Seacrest/ Kris Jenner indulgence gabfests. Contrast Rob& Chyna with Bravos Below Deck, currently on its fourth season and with one spinoff under its loop. Below Decks premise is simple: place a bunch of attractive deckhands on a mega-yacht, cater them with alcohol, and be fostered to melt down every episode. Would you instead watch that or a substantiate starring people more famous to move proper suckers of themselves for your amusement? The answer is, neither, Im a grownup who is too busy lending cost to the culture to debase myself with such technicalities, but dont obsess, I picked the show about yachties drunkenly hooking up too.

I will say that the producers of Rob& Chyna( which include the titular Rob and Chyna among their grades) do try to spice thoughts up. Scott Disick appears in the role of Robs only friend in the entire world and his chauffeur, schlepping him around Los Angeles like a pasty white Morgan Freeman from Driving Miss Daisy. Theres a memorable incident where Rob marches into Chynas home in full Eeyore mode, carrying blooms to apologize for texting bitches. Chyna isnt having it, grabs the flowers, chucks them in a kitty, then knocks Rob out of her mansion. This is the turning point of the alleged fib, as the remainder of the occurrence implies Chyna trying to get Rob to text her back, as she has apparently be pointed out that she hollered at him to leave her alone while pissing all over his nostalgic gesture. Im sure Rob Kardashian, AKA Calabasas Morrissey, really took that well.

Finally, Kris Jenner, matriarch of the expansive Kardashian family and former nemesis of Blac Chyna, appears to counsel Chyna on how be addressed with Rob. Jenner is shown to be so shrewd that I half expected her to have grown a beard, picked up a large wand, and shed on a pointy hat off-screen. Much has been made of how Blac Chyna is so astute and took down the Kardashians by getting engaged to Rob. Thats a neat little underdog narrative, but if you think that Kris Jenner isnt clever enough to use this to her advantage and will be the ultimate winner of this dim-witted contest, then you arent paying attention to the indicate. Thats fine, since it probably stirred you pass out from wearines, but the fact remains that one of the last faces you see in this first occurrence is Kris Jenner. The whole silly enterprise is hers and hers alone. Chyna can have a piece, as long as she pays her taxes to her feudal lord.

And then theres Rob. At last, they found a room to monetize his mopey look and wrinkled robes. Instead of a Shrek-like animal they remain locked away in a cellar, he has his own evidence, which simply furthers the aims of their own families. In exchange, this humanity who likely has real clinical depression has to pretend to be a TV hotshot. By coincidence, E! has stumbled upon the saddest substantiate on tv, so fitted with existential anguish that youd acquire it was drummed up by a government-funded columnist in some soggy Scandinavian country over a bottle of inexpensive scotch. If “youre watching” more than one of these occurrences, youll possibly find yourself not leaving the house for years, just like Rob Kardashian.

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