The format of this painfully dull show is identical to others of the Kardashian empire: wearisome backgrounds of parties sitting in kitchens not chewing cheese plates

Is there a least qualified reality reveal hotshot than Rob Kardashian? If you lined up 10 people from the casting record of A& Es Intervention and Rob Kardashian and had to choose one to base an ongoing tv series around, would you ever pick him unless you knew his last name? Isnt this a tragedy? Shouldnt we all be more disturbed?

Sunday darkness debut of the new E! succession Rob& Chyna commemorates the return of the black sheep Kardashian to the public eye. Hes wasted years of his life unwilling to leave his room, which caused him to addition( his words) a traction of weight. He appears little cozy realizing see linked with other human beings than the little orphan girl Newt from the movie Aliens. A Los Angeles Dodgers hat covers whats left of the poorest of the poor people thin, unkempt mane. His wardrobe contained in T-shirts , nondescript jeans and sneakers. In other texts, when I watch this astoundingly depressing platform, I view myself and what I might become( minus the millions of dollars ).

The first few minutes of Rob& Chyna intend to form us empathize with Rob and his pregnant fiancee Blac Chyna. As an digression, isnt it a bit horrid that Blac Chyna travels almost entirely by the call Chyna in the first chapter now that the original Chyna the former WWE wrestler has died? Its like ransacking through someones jewelry after a funeral.

Regardless of what you call her, Blac Chyna is the actual star of this show, even if her figure is second on the marquee. She came up from the world-famous row societies of Atlanta and became something of an entrepreneur, at least in the way that we define that word in 2016. She took the Kardashian template of monetizing tabloid notoriety through a sect of identity social media ubiquity, labelled concoctions, and now, the final piece of the question, an E! world dealership. Shes become a major supporting player in the ongoing Kardashian meta-narrative having a baby with the rapper Tyga, who then leaves her for Kylie Jenner, which leads to Chyna joining thrusts with Rob. Whether or not her relationship with Rob is genuine or a calculated effort to increase her giving potential is not for me to decide (* cough its bullshit cough *) but what is is whether or not this TV show is good. Its not.

Rob
Rob& Chyna: gone with the wind. Picture: E!

If your litmus test for putting with a program is reacting the issues to does someone fart within the first 10 minutes with a yes, then Rob& Chyna is for you. Spoiler alert, Chyna farts in the car. If “youd prefer” a bit of drama, then maybe flip over to another channel. Or shed your cable casket or streaming design into the nearest open body of water and wander into the town square. Either one is fine with me.

The format of this dreadfully monotonous show is identical to the other outposts of the Kardashian empire: wearisome situations of people driving indulgence vehicles on featureless roadways, sitting around kitchens not dining cheese sheets, or folding robes for a business excursion that are able to or may not ever happen. During these panoramas, mush-mouthed pod beings debate some ill-defined conflict. Person needs to go to rehab for a ambiguous difficulty. Person must be free to verse person back about a circumstance that happened off camera. Person feels disrespected. A party invite is lost in the mail. Watching these reveals is like speaking “the worlds largest” banal email thread at 3am. Plug sad-eyed agoraphobe Rob Kardashian into this format and you have a panacea for insomnia so potent, the Food and Drug Administration should regulate it.

The ostensible patch of this episode is organized around Rob alleging Chyna of texting people behind his back. He proclaims this to be the case because he discovers that Chyna has changed the passcode on her iPhone. He even insinuates that shes robbing up with her ex, Tyga. All of this takes plaza with Rob spread out comfortably on a berth. Chyna disclaims any misbehavior, then accuses Rob of contacting females behind her back. He apparently declares it, which I vaguely remember before my eyelids glued closed for the evening. It must be the case, because the very next vistum is Chyna in another expensive auto screaming at Rob to stop texting bitches.

These are the moments one watches reality Tv for aggressivenes, incoherent shouting and profanity. This is why I prefer the Andy Cohen Bravo model for reality over the clumsy Ryan Seacrest/ Kris Jenner indulgence gabfests. Contrast Rob& Chyna with Bravos Below Deck, currently on the work of its fourth season and with one spinoff under its loop. Below Decks premise is simple: put a knot of attractive deckhands on a mega-yacht, cater them with alcohol, and encourages women to melt down every episode. Would you rather watch that or a reveal starring beings too famed to induce proper chumps of themselves for your amusement? The explanation is, neither, Im a grownup who is too busy adding cost to the culture to debase myself with such trifles, but dont obsess, I picked the show about yachties drunkenly fastening up too.

I will say that the producers of Rob& Chyna( which include the titular Rob and Chyna among their ranks) do try to spice circumstances up. Scott Disick appears in the role of Robs only friend in the entire world and his chauffeur, schlepping him around Los Angeles like a pasty white Morgan Freeman from Driving Miss Daisy. Theres a memorable stage where Rob marches into Chynas home in full Eeyore mode, carrying buds to apologize for texting bitches. Chyna isnt having it, grabs the flowers, grubs them in a kitty, then knocks Rob out of her house. This is the turning point of the alleged story, as the rest of the chapter commits Chyna trying to get Rob to text her back, as she has seemingly forgotten that she screamed at him to leave her alone while pissing all over his nostalgic gesticulate. Im sure Rob Kardashian, AKA Calabasas Morrissey, really took that well.

Finally, Kris Jenner, matriarch of the expansive Kardashian family and former nemesis of Blac Chyna, appears to counsel Chyna on how to handle Rob. Jenner is shown to be so wise that I half expected her to have grown a beard, picked up a large twig, and shed on a pointy hat off-screen. Much has been made of how Blac Chyna is so astute and took down the Kardashians by getting engaged to Rob. Thats a nifty little underdog narrative, but if you think that Kris Jenner isnt cunning enough to use this to her advantage and will be the eventual win of this dim-witted competition, then you arent paying attention to the establish. Thats fine, since it probably saw you pass out from apathy, but the fact remains that one of the last faces you see in this first chapter is Kris Jenner. The whole moronic firm is hers and hers alone. Chyna can have a piece, as long as she offer her taxes to her feudal lord.

And then theres Rob. At last-place, they found a lane to monetize his mopey face and wrinkled robes. Instead of a Shrek-like character they maintain locked up in a cellar, he has his own appearance, which exclusively furthers the aims of their own families. In exchange, this mortal who perhaps has real clinical depression has to pretend to be a TV virtuoso. By accident, E! has stumbled upon the saddest prove on tv, so fitted with existential desperation that youd presume it was drummed up by a government-funded scribe in some mushy Scandinavian country over a bottle of cheap scotch. If you watch more than one of the following options chapters, youll possibly find yourself not leaving the house for years, just like Rob Kardashian.

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