The format of this painfully dull show is identical to other persons of the Kardashian empire: interminable panoramas of people sitting in kitchens not eating cheese plates

Is there a least qualified world indicate whiz than Rob Kardashian? If you lined up 10 parties from the shedding register of A& Es Intervention and Rob Kardashian and had to choose one to base an ongoing television series around, would you ever pick him unless you knew his last name? Isnt this a tragedy? Shouldnt we all be more disturbed?

Sunday nighttimes premiere of the new E! line Rob& Chyna distinguishes the income of the black sheep Kardashian to the public eye. Hes expended years of his life unwilling to leave his room, which stimulated him to gain( his words) a clutch of heavines. He looks little comfortable representing seeing contact with other human being than the little orphan daughter Newt from the movie Aliens. A Los Angeles Dodgers hat covers whats left of the poor guys thin, matted hair. His wardrobe consists of T-shirts , nondescript jeans and sneakers. In other statements, when I watch this astoundingly depressing program, I encounter myself and what I might become( minus the millions of dollars ).

The first few minutes of Rob& Chyna intend to obligate us sympathize with Rob and his pregnant fiancee Blac Chyna. As an aside, isnt it a little bit grisly that Blac Chyna leads almost entirely by the epithet Chyna in the first occurrence now that the original Chyna the former WWE wrestler has died? Its like rummaging through someones jewelry after a funeral.

Regardless of what you call her, Blac Chyna is the actual starring of this present, even if her figure is second on the pavilion. She came up from the world-famous deprive squads of Atlanta and became something of an entrepreneur, at least in accordance with the rules that we characterize that term in 2016. She took the Kardashian template of monetizing tabloid villainy through a sect of personality social media ubiquity, branded commodities, and now, the final portion of the puzzle, an E! world franchise. Shes become a major supporting player in the ongoing Kardashian meta-narrative having a baby with the rapper Tyga, who then leaves her for Kylie Jenner, which leads to Chyna connect personnels with Rob. Whether or not her relationship with Rob is genuine or a calculated effort to increase her giving potential is not for me to decide (* cough its bullshit cough *) but what is is whether or not this Tv show is good. Its not.

Rob
Rob& Chyna: travelled with high winds. Image: E!

If your litmus test for fastening with a program is answering the issues to does someone fart within the first 10 hours with a yes, then Rob& Chyna is for you. Spoiler alert, Chyna farts in the car. If you prefer a little bit of drama, then maybe flip over to another path. Or hurl your cable box or streaming machine into the nearest open body of water and walk into the town square. Either one is fine with me.

The format of this dreadfully dull show is identical to the other outposts of the Kardashian empire: interminable panoramas of beings driving luxury autoes on featureless pikes, be standing kitchens not eating cheese sheets, or folding robes for a business trip that may or may not ever happen. During these incidents, mush-mouthed pod people debate some ill-defined conflict. Someone needs to go to rehab for a vague question. Somebody must text person back about a thing that happened off camera. Person feelings disrespected. A party invite is lost in the mail. Watching these pictures is like reading the most banal email thread at 3am. Plug sad-eyed agoraphobe Rob Kardashian into this format and you have a medicine for insomnia so potent, the Food and Drug Administration should regulate it.

The ostensible plan of this escapade revolves around Rob alleging Chyna of texting people behind his back. He declares this to be the case because he discovers that Chyna has changed the passcode on her iPhone. He even insinuates that shes robbing up with her ex, Tyga. All of this takes residence with Rob spread out comfortably on a couch. Chyna disavows any wrongdoing, then alleges Rob of contacting ladies behind her back. He apparently admits it, which I vaguely remember before my eyelids glued slam for the evening. It must be the case, because the very next background is Chyna in another expensive vehicle screaming at Rob to stop texting bitches.

These are the moments one watches world Tv for hostility, incoherent yelling and profanity. This is why I wish the Andy Cohen Bravo model for reality over the clumsy Ryan Seacrest/ Kris Jenner indulgence gabfests. Contrast Rob& Chyna with Bravos Below Deck, currently on the work of its fourth season and with one spinoff under its loop. Below Decks premise is simple: set a cluster of attractive deckhands on a mega-yacht, cater them with alcohol, and be fostered to melt down every chapter. Would you instead watch that or a demonstrate starring beings too famed to attain proper morons of themselves for your delight? The reaction is, neither, Im a grownup who is too busy lending significance to the culture to demoralize myself with such technicalities, but dont obsess, I picked the show about yachties drunkenly robbing up too.

I will say that the producers of Rob& Chyna( which include the titular Rob and Chyna among their ranks) do try to spice situations up. Scott Disick appears in the role of Robs only friend in the whole world and his chauffeur, schlepping him around Los Angeles like a pasty white Morgan Freeman from Driving Miss Daisy. Theres a memorable stage where Rob goes into Chynas home in full Eeyore mode, carrying flowers to apologize for texting bitches. Chyna isnt having it, grabs the flowers, chucks them in a consortium, then kicks Rob out of her home. This is the turning point of the alleged narration, as the rest of the chapter implies Chyna trying to get Rob to text her back, as she has apparently forgetting that she bellowed at him to leave her alone while pee-pee all over his romantic gesticulate. Im sure Rob Kardashian, AKA Calabasas Morrissey, really took that well.

Finally, Kris Jenner, matriarch of the expansive Kardashian family and former nemesis of Blac Chyna, appears to counsel Chyna on how to deal with Rob. Jenner is shown to be so prudent that I half expected her to have grown a whisker, picked up a large rod, and shed on a pointy hat off-screen. Much has been made of how Blac Chyna is so clever and took down the Kardashians by getting engaged to Rob. Thats a nifty little underdog narrative, but if you think that Kris Jenner isnt cunning enough to use this to her advantage and will be the ultimate winner of this dim-witted contest, then you arent paying attention to the prove. Thats fine, since it probably saw you pass out from boredom, but the fact remains that one of the last faces you see in this first chapter is Kris Jenner. The whole moronic project is hers and hers alone. Chyna can have a piece, as long as she offer her taxes to her feudal lord.

And they are Rob. At last, they found a behavior to monetize his mopey face and wrinkled invests. Instead of a Shrek-like beast they stop locked away in a cellar, he has his own depict, which exclusively furthers the aims of his family. In exchange, this person who probably has real clinical depression has to pretend to be a Tv whiz. By collision, E! has stumbled upon the saddest show on tv, so fitted with existential despair that youd presume it was drummed up by a government-funded novelist in some sodden Scandinavian country over a bottle of cheap scotch. If “youre watching” more than one of these episodes, youll maybe find yourself not leaving the house for years, just like Rob Kardashian.

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