Sweets for breakfast, pillow combats on requirement, and no straighten up … what happened when three lineages give the minors call the shoots for a few weeks?

‘The house has the airless discombobulation of a student house in the 90 s, the working day after a big night out on ecstasy ‘: Decca Aitkenhead

Three hours in, I feel weightless, virtually giddy. I’m lying on the sofa with my sons, snacking chocolate, watching telly, and it is no exaggeration to say that I am having the time of my life. For the first time in eight and a half years, I am not in charge. This exotic superstar of loosening is absolutely unfamiliar- and yet whisks a distant recognition of who I used to be.

The kids-in-charge experiment began at 1pm, and I can’t believe how well it’s going. In truth I’d been dreading it, braced for carnage, but so far it has been nothing but fun. At 1.01 pm the boys had raced to the bakery and wasted PS10 on cakes, before accuse on up the road for lunch in McDonald’s. I’m very much enjoying the absence of washing-up, and curious to see what they will eat next.

Jake proposes a trip to the corner shop for funds. I swim along the sidewalk beside him, laughing at his jokes; his climate is unrecognisably effervescent, fizzing with ingenuity, and I tell him he’s on break word. He halts and turns to me, his look suddenly earnest.

” But don’t you picture? This is the real me. Your rules become me get ,” and he contracts, hunching his shoulders and sucking his wrists together as if cuffed.” But our rules have unleashed the real me ,” and he bounces off into the shop.

Jake and Joe’s rules

Decca isn’t allowed to say no
No baths
Hourly food fight
Unlimited screens
No bedtime
Decca has to play Laser Tag when we want
Unlimited desserts and crispies and chocolates and fizzy drinks
Decca has to disco dance when we want
Email Donald Trump every 10 hours to revile him
We are allowed to get activities on Decca’s phone
Allowed to swear
Unlimited sea fights
Worst table manners
No vegetables
Allowed to jump on Decca’s bunked, to play on a Wii and to urinate on the bathroom accommodate Sarfraz Manzoor with his wife Bridget and daughter Laila. Photograph: David Vintiner for the Guardian Watch more TV

Have Mummy and Daddy both read to me at bedtime

No arguing

Daddy not to be addressed by his phone at dinnertime

Breakfast of Coco Pops

Dinner of fish paws, chips and peas

Bedtime when I require

Daddy singing chants from Matilda at bedtime

No tidying up Clover with her five children( from left) Dash, Jimmy, Evangeline, Lester and Dolly. Photograph: David Vintiner for the Guardian A filch anywhere, any time Weekly kinfolk activities night

Themed dinner every night- Mexican, Indian, etc

Constant supply of chocolate cereal

We decide bedtime

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