Sweets for breakfast, pillow campaigns on request, and no straighten up … what happened when three class tell the children call the shots for a week?

‘The house has the airless discombobulation of a student house in the 90 s, the day after a big night out on ecstasy ‘: Decca Aitkenhead

Three hours in, I feel weightless, almost giddy. I’m lying on the sofa with my boys, snacking chocolate, watching telly, and it is no exaggeration to say that I am having the time of “peoples lives”. For the first time in eight and a half years, I am not in charge. This exotic excitement of loosening is absolutely unfamiliar- and hitherto stimulates a remote recollection of who I used to be.

The kids-in-charge experiment began at 1pm, and I can’t believe how well it’s going. In truth I’d been dreading it, braced for bloodbath, but still further it has been nothing but fun. At 1.01 pm the boys had raced to the bakery and expended PS10 on cakes, before charging on up the road for lunch in McDonald’s. I’m very much enjoying the absence of washing-up, and curious to see what they will eat next.

Jake proposes a trip to the corner shop for provisoes. I move along the pavement beside him, laughing at his jokes; his climate is unrecognisably ebullient, fizzing with witticism, and I tell him he’s on cracking sort. He halts and turns to me, his saying abruptly earnest.

” But don’t you view? This is the real me. Your rules clear me exit ,” and he shrivels, impression his shoulders and drawing his wrists together as if cuffed.” But our rules have unleashed the real me ,” and he bounces off into the shop.

Jake and Joe’s rules

Decca isn’t allowed to say no
No baths
Hourly nutrient fight
Unlimited screens
No bedtime
Decca has to play Laser Tag when we want
Unlimited sweeteneds and crispies and chocolates and fizzy drinks
Decca has to disco dance when we want
Email Donald Trump every 10 hours to revile him
We be able to be get competitions on Decca’s phone
Allowed to swear
Unlimited liquid fights
Worst table manners
No vegetables
Allowed to jump on Decca’s bunked, to play on a Wii and to pee on the toilet sit Sarfraz Manzoor with his wife Bridget and daughter Laila. Photograph: David Vintiner for the Guardian Watch more Tv

Have Mummy and Daddy both read to me at bedtime

No arguing

Daddy not to look at his telephone at dinnertime

Breakfast of Coco Pops

Dinner of fish digits, chips and peas

Bedtime when I crave

Daddy singing lyrics from Matilda at bedtime

No tidying up Clover with her five children( from left) Dash, Jimmy, Evangeline, Lester and Dolly. Photograph: David Vintiner for the Guardian A raise anywhere, any time Weekly family competitions darknes

Themed dinner every night- Mexican, Indian, etc

Constant supply of chocolate cereal

We decide bedtime

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