Sweets for breakfast, pillow opposes on request, and no straightening up … what happened when three kinfolks tell the kids call the shots for a week?

‘The house has the airless discombobulation of a student house in the 90 s, the day after a big night out on ecstasy ‘: Decca Aitkenhead

Three hours in, I feel weightless, almost giddy. I’m lying on the sofa with my sons, snacking chocolate, watching telly, and it is no exaggeration to say that I am having the time of “peoples lives”. For the first time in eight and a half times, I am not in charge. This exotic excitement of loosening is totally unfamiliar- and yet conjure a remote remembrance of who I used to be.

The kids-in-charge experiment began at 1pm, and I can’t believe how well it’s going. In truth I’d been dreading it, poised for carnage, but so far it has been nothing but enjoyable. At 1.01 pm the sons had hastened to the bakery and spent PS10 on cakes, before charging on up the road for lunch in McDonald’s. I’m very much experiencing the absence of washing-up, and curious to see what they will feed next.

Jake proposes a trip to the corner shop for provisions. I move along the sidewalk beside him, laughing at his jokes; his climate is unrecognisably ebullient, fizzing with humor, and I tell him he’s on cracking form. He halts and turns to me, his show suddenly earnest.

” But don’t you find? This is the real me. Your rules realize me get ,” and he shrivels, impression his shoulders and reaping his wrists together as if cuffed.” But our rules have loosed the real me ,” and he skips off into the shop.

Jake and Joe’s rules

Decca isn’t allowed to say no
No baths
Hourly nutrient fight
Unlimited screens
No bedtime
Decca has to play Laser Tag when we want
Unlimited sugaries and crisps and chocolates and fizzy drinks
Decca has to disco disco when we want
Email Donald Trump every 10 hours to revile him
We are allowed to get games on Decca’s phone
Allowed to swear
Unlimited liquid fights
Worst table manners
No vegetables
Allowed to jump on Decca’s bed, to play on a Wii and to pee on the lavatory tush Sarfraz Manzoor with his wife Bridget and daughter Laila. Image: David Vintiner for the Guardian Watch more Tv

Have Mummy and Daddy both speak to me at bedtime

No bickering

Daddy not to look at his telephone at dinnertime

Breakfast of Coco Pops

Dinner of fish digits, microchips and peas

Bedtime when I want

Daddy singing lyrics from Matilda at bedtime

No tidying up Clover with her five children( from left) Dash, Jimmy, Evangeline, Lester and Dolly. Image: David Vintiner for the Guardian A hoist anywhere, any time Weekly family games nighttime

Themed dinner every night- Mexican, Indian, etc

Constant supply of chocolate cereal

We end bedtime


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