Sweets for breakfast, pillow opposes on demand, and no straighten up … what happened when three families make the teenagers call the fires for a few weeks?

‘The house has the airless discombobulation of a student house in the 90 s, the working day after a big night out on ecstasy ‘: Decca Aitkenhead

Three hours in, I feel weightless, almost giddy. I’m lying on the sofa with my sons, eating chocolate, watching telly, and it is no exaggeration to say that I am having the time of my life. For the first time in eight and a half years, I am not in charge. This exotic wizard of relaxation is wholly unfamiliar- and hitherto incites a distant memory of who I used to be.

The kids-in-charge experiment began at 1pm, and I can’t believe how well it’s going. In truth I’d been dreading it, poised for carnage, but so far it has been nothing but fun. At 1.01 pm the sons had hastened to the bakery and expended PS10 on patties, before blame on up the road for lunch in McDonald’s. I’m very much enjoying the absence of washing-up, and curious to see what they will eat next.

Jake proposes a trip to the corner shop for clauses. I float along the sidewalk beside him, laughing at his jokes; his climate is unrecognisably effervescent, fizzing with banter, and I tell him he’s on cracking species. He halts and turns to me, his look suddenly earnest.

” But don’t you ensure? This is the real me. Your rules make me start ,” and he shrivels, impression his shoulders and gleaning his wrists together as if cuffed.” But our rules have released the real me ,” and he bounces off into the shop.

Jake and Joe’s rules

Decca isn’t allowed to say no
No baths
Hourly nutrient fight
Unlimited screens
No bedtime
Decca has to play Laser Tag when we want
Unlimited sugareds and crispies and chocolates and fizzy drinks
Decca has to disco dance when we want
Email Donald Trump every 10 hours to insult him
We are allowed to get competitions on Decca’s phone
Allowed to swear
Unlimited ocean fights
Worst table manners
No vegetables
Allowed to jump on Decca’s bunked, to play on a Wii and to pee on the lavatory set Sarfraz Manzoor with his wife Bridget and daughter Laila. Photograph: David Vintiner for the Guardian Watch more TV

Have Mummy and Daddy both speak to me at bedtime

No arguing

Daddy not to look at his telephone at dinnertime

Breakfast of Coco Pops

Dinner of fish digits, microchips and peas

Bedtime when I require

Daddy singing carols from Matilda at bedtime

No tidying up Clover with her five children( from left) Dash, Jimmy, Evangeline, Lester and Dolly. Photograph: David Vintiner for the Guardian A raising anywhere, any time Weekly pedigree tournaments night

Themed dinner every night- Mexican, Indian, etc

Constant supply of chocolate cereal

We decide bedtime


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