Sweets for breakfast, pillow pushes on demand, and no tidying up … what happened when three lineages tell the kids call the shots for a week?

‘The house has the airless discombobulation of a student house in the 90 s, the day after a big night out on ecstasy ‘: Decca Aitkenhead

Three hours in, I feel weightless, nearly giddy. I’m lying on the sofa with my boys, eating chocolate, watching telly, and it is no exaggeration to say that I am having the time of my life. For the first time in eight and a half times, I am not in charge. This exotic awarenes of relaxation is completely unfamiliar- and hitherto whisks a distant retention of who I used to be.

The kids-in-charge experiment began at 1pm, and I can’t believe how well it’s going. In truth I’d been dreading it, poised for carnage, but so far it has been nothing but fun. At 1.01 pm the sons had raced to the bakery and invested PS10 on cakes, before charge on up the road for lunch in McDonald’s. I’m very much enjoying the absence of washing-up, and curious to see what they will eat next.

Jake proposes a trip to the corner shop for clauses. I move along the pavement beside him, laughing at his jokes; his feeling is unrecognisably ebullient, fizzing with humour, and I tell him he’s on break pattern. He halts and turns to me, his face suddenly earnest.

” But don’t you ascertain? This is the real me. Your rules form me croak ,” and he shrinks, impression his shoulders and gleaning his wrists together as if cuffed.” But our rules have loosed the real me ,” and he skips off into the shop.

Jake and Joe’s rules

Decca isn’t allowed to say no
No baths
Hourly meat fight
Unlimited screens
No bedtime
Decca has to play Laser Tag when we want
Unlimited desserts and crisps and chocolates and fizzy drinks
Decca has to disco dance when we want
Email Donald Trump every 10 hours to revile him
We were able to get plays on Decca’s phone
Allowed to swear
Unlimited irrigate fights
Worst table manners
No vegetables
Allowed to jump on Decca’s bunked, to play on a Wii and to pee-pee on the toilet bench Sarfraz Manzoor with his wife Bridget and daughter Laila. Photograph: David Vintiner for the Guardian Watch more TV

Have Mummy and Daddy both read to me at bedtime

No arguing

Daddy not looking to see his phone at dinnertime

Breakfast of Coco Pops

Dinner of fish fingers, chippings and peas

Bedtime when I want

Daddy singing songs from Matilda at bedtime

No tidying up Clover with her five children( from left) Dash, Jimmy, Evangeline, Lester and Dolly. Photograph: David Vintiner for the Guardian A raising anywhere, any time Weekly household activities nighttime

Themed dinner every night- Mexican, Indian, etc

Constant supply of chocolate cereal

We decide bedtime

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