Sweets for breakfast, pillow fightings on requisition, and no tidy up … what happened when three houses give the children call the kills for a week?

‘The house has the airless discombobulation of a student house in the 90 s, the working day after a big night out on ecstasy ‘: Decca Aitkenhead

Three hours in, I feel weightless, virtually giddy. I’m lying on the sofa with my boys, chewing chocolate, watching telly, and it is no exaggeration to say that I am having the time of my life. For the first time in eight and a half times, I am not in charge. This exotic excitement of relaxation is altogether unfamiliar- and yet budges a distant remember of who I used to be.

The kids-in-charge experiment began at 1pm, and I can’t believe how well it’s going. In truth I’d been dreading it, poised for carnage, but so far it has been nothing but fun. At 1.01 pm the sons had raced to the bakery and expended PS10 on cakes, before charging on up the road for lunch in McDonald’s. I’m very much enjoying the absence of washing-up, and curious to see what they will eat next.

Jake proposes a trip to the corner shop for provisions. I move along the sidewalk beside him, laughing at his jokes; his mood is unrecognisably effervescent, fizzing with ingenuity, and I tell him he’s on break kind. He halts and turns to me, his look abruptly earnest.

” But don’t you assure? This is the real me. Your rules oblige me depart ,” and he diminishes, impression his shoulders and drawing his wrists together as if cuffed.” But our rules have loosed the real me ,” and he bounces off into the shop.

Jake and Joe’s rules

Decca isn’t allowed to say no
No baths
Hourly nutrient fight
Unlimited screens
No bedtime
Decca has to play Laser Tag when we want
Unlimited sweeteneds and crispies and chocolates and fizzy drinks
Decca has to disco dance when we want
Email Donald Trump every 10 hours to revile him
We are allowed to get activities on Decca’s phone
Allowed to swear
Unlimited liquid fights
Worst table manners
No vegetables
Allowed to jump on Decca’s bunked, to play on a Wii and to pee-pee on the toilet bench Sarfraz Manzoor with his wife Bridget and daughter Laila. Photograph: David Vintiner for the Guardian Watch more Tv

Have Mummy and Daddy both speak to me at bedtime

No arguing

Daddy not to look at his phone at dinnertime

Breakfast of Coco Pops

Dinner of fish paws, chips and peas

Bedtime when I crave

Daddy singing chants from Matilda at bedtime

No tidying up Clover with her five children( from left) Dash, Jimmy, Evangeline, Lester and Dolly. Photograph: David Vintiner for the Guardian A raising anywhere, any time Weekly kinfolk games darknes

Themed dinner every night- Mexican, Indian, etc

Constant supply of chocolate cereal

We decide bedtime


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