Sweets for breakfast, pillow battles on request, and no straighten up … what happened when three households make the boys call the shots for a few weeks?
‘The house has the airless discombobulation of a student house in the 90 s, the day after a big night out on ecstasy ‘: Decca Aitkenhead
Three hours in, I feel weightless, virtually giddy. I’m lying on the sofa with my sons, feeing chocolate, watching telly, and it is no exaggeration to say that I am having the time of my life. For the first time in eight and a half times, I am not in charge. This exotic superstar of loosening is wholly unfamiliar- and hitherto stimulates a remote recognition of who I used to be.
The kids-in-charge experiment began at 1pm, and I can’t believe how well it’s going. In truth I’d been dreading it, poised for bloodbath, but even further it has been nothing but fun. At 1.01 pm the sons had raced to the bakery and wasted PS10 on cakes, before charge on up the road for lunch in McDonald’s. I’m very much enjoying the absence of washing-up, and curious to see what they will eat next.
Jake proposes a trip to the corner shop for provisions. I swim along the pavement beside him, laughing at his jokes; his feeling is unrecognisably ebullient, fizzing with humor, and I tell him he’s on cracking pattern. He halts and turns to me, his formulation abruptly earnest.
” But don’t you examine? This is the real me. Your rules realize me become ,” and he decreases, hunching his shoulders and outlining his wrists together as if cuffed.” But our rules have loosed the real me ,” and he hop-skip off into the shop.
Jake and Joe’s rules
Decca isn’t allowed to say no
Hourly meat fight
Decca has to play Laser Tag when we want
Unlimited sweeteneds and crisps and chocolates and fizzy drinks
Decca has to disco dance when we want
Email Donald Trump every 10 hours to insult him
We permitted to be get tournaments on Decca’s phone
Allowed to swear
Unlimited ocean fights
Worst table manners
Allowed to jump on Decca’s bunked, to play on a Wii and to pee on the bathroom tush Sarfraz Manzoor with his wife Bridget and daughter Laila. Photograph: David Vintiner for the Guardian Watch more TV
Have Mummy and Daddy both speak to me at bedtime
Daddy not looking to see his phone at dinnertime
Breakfast of Coco Pops
Dinner of fish digits, chips and peas
Bedtime when I require
Daddy singing chants from Matilda at bedtime
No tidying up Clover with her five children( from left) Dash, Jimmy, Evangeline, Lester and Dolly. Photograph: David Vintiner for the Guardian A filch anywhere, any time Weekly lineage recreations nighttime
Themed dinner every night- Mexican, Indian, etc
Constant supply of chocolate cereal
We decide bedtime